Son or daughter

I think I've mentioned on more than one occasion that I have three nephews from my sister and two nephews from Jeeves' brother.  I love them all very much.  But my very first nephew, Connor, is my mini-me, and I know I shouldn't play favorites, but he's kind of my favorite.  He was my first nephew, I was at the hospital when he was born, and from the time he was a newborn until he was about 8, we saw each other all the time because I lived nearby.  Now he is 11.  He is a sweet boy and he's turned into a little nerd.  His idol is Stephen Hawking, and he made me a Power Point presentation of what he wanted for Christmas, complete with suggestions for who should buy him what.  He loves outer space and physics, and he loves telling me about Dr. Who.  Unlike his auntie, he is popular in school, and even got elected Student Council treasurer.  He is my pride and joy, and it's been like that since he was born. 

My other nephews are wonderful too and I have a good relationship with all of them.  Despite the fact that I am so used to boys, before we started dealing with infertility I always wanted a daughter.  I had a bunch of girls' names I liked, and there were so many boys in our family, I thought a girl would wind up being a pretty big deal.  I knew my dad really wanted a granddaughter (he never shuts up about how he prefers girls, and how happy he is that he had daughters).  So did my mother-in-law, and I knew my sister wanted a niece.

Then we started struggling to get pregnant, started IUI, and I thought, "I really don't care, boy or girl, I just want us to be parents."  And that was compounded by the miscarriage.  

But this time, as we made it through different milestones, I think I started to hope again, not just for a healthy child, but maybe a little for a girl.  It wasn't a strong tug, but it was there.  Jeeves and I used to joke that we would each be okay with having just one child - but that was only true for me if our first child was a girl, and it was only true for Jeeves if our first child was a boy.  But as we were plugging away towards finding out the gender, I think Jeeves started to hope for a girl a little bit too - the first girl in our families!  How exciting would that be?!? And when we talked about names, we only talked about girls' names.  Let's face it - there are a lot of good girls' names out there.

So, last Monday Dr. R called me at work to tell me that our MaternitT21 results were back and the baby looked healthy.  Yay!  That was the most important news.

Dr. R: Do you plan to find out the gender?
Me: Yes!
Dr. R: Okay, do you want to know now?
Me: Yes! Tell me!
Dr. R: It's a boy!
Me: A boy!

I don't want anyone to think for a second that I didn't feel happiness at what she told me - I did.  I called up Jeeves at work, told him the good news that the baby was healthy and then asked him to guess gender - he guessed boy.  That night we discussed it, and admitted that maybe a little tiny part of us had hoped for a girl, but that a boy was great and we are super used to boys.  "Maybe this just means that we should have a second kid down the road!" I said.  "Let's see how we handle one first," Jeeves retorted.  He is, of course, right.  Even though I always thought I would have two kids, I am no spring chicken in the childbearing department, and as our attempts to have children took longer and longer, I realized that we might wind up only having one.  

We also started talking about boys' names.  There are a lot less that we like/agree on than in girls' names, but we've come up with three so far, which isn't bad.

As for our families, they have responded in different ways.  My dad admitted that he had hoped I would have a girl.  Whatever, he'll deal.  My sister, whom I tend to assume will always say the wrong thing (she says the wrong thing A LOT), surpassed my expectations (as she has the entire infertility journey, by generally never saying anything stupid or insensitive) by telling me that she was "thrilled" I was having a boy, and reminding me she is the expert on boys and is always there to help.  And my MIL said "Another one for team blue!"  I said, "Yes, I think that's all this family can make."  She laughed.  Jeeves and I hope that our baby will be loved by our families because he's ours.

That night, I thought, "I'm going to have a son.  This is my son making my belly stick out." It made it more real.  On Thursday at the scan, when I looked at the picture I could see his little toes.  "Those are my son's toes," I thought.  Love love love.