I was texting with Adi from The Second Bedroom the other day and she asked "so are you ever going to post again?" I've been really bad about blogging, as you can clearly see. I have a variety of excuses, but it basically comes down to prioritizing other things over blogging. Mostly reading. Sometimes television. Sometimes cooking or sleeping. And of course there's Max! So here's an update on where things are.
Max! Max turned 1! I can't believe it. He's a little person, not a tiny baby anymore. He's such a happy kid. He says Mama (though it sounds more like Mummum), Dada, Yes, and Buff (we have no idea what "buff" means, but he says it when he's busy or happy). Sometimes he says "yummm" when he's eating. He's not walking yet, but he uses the furniture to cruise around. He weighs a bit over 20lbs now, so he's still small for his age, but he's average for height. After rocking the purees for awhile, he started wanting real solid food. He's a little pickier than I'd like, but I'm working really hard on being patient and not freaking out about food with him. I struggle with this a lot. It should probably be its own blog post. It's the first time in my life that I have worked hard at cooking a nice nutritious meal for someone and he occasionally rejects it without a bite, OR takes a bite and then rejects it. Of course this is totally normal. It's just hard for me to not get upset about it and to keep giving him a variety of food without resorting to just giving him stuff I know he likes over and over again.
We weaned around the one year mark. I simultaneously miss it and don't. I miss the cuddles and the closeness and the feeling that no matter what, I can soothe him. But I don't miss the plugged ducts or the pumping or the not fitting in most of my pre-pregnancy shirts and dresses. My boobs did shrink, but wound up a larger size than I was pre-pregnancy.
In April, I started working out with a trainer. It has made a huge difference for me both in my overall strength and ability to keep up with Max and how I feel about my post-baby body. I still struggle with my body image a bit. I gained some weight after weaning, and when I shop for clothing, I can get kind of down on myself. I'm working on it, trying to focus on the fact that I'm in much better shape than I was before I had a baby, even if that's not reflected on the scale yet.
I am tired a lot. I daydream about sleep. I'm trying to go to bed earlier, but it's hard. There's a lot to do between Max's bedtime and my bedtime, but damn, that kid wakes up early! He was sleeping till 7-7:30 (so civilized!) for a long time, but lately it's been pushed to 6-6:30. No likey.
I've been reading a lot. I even joined a book club. It's no where like when I read 52 books in a year, but I'm hoping I might hit 25. That would be a huge accomplishment for me.
Work is work. It's fine. No complaints. We finally got raises (after 4+ years without a raise) so that was exciting. On the two days I am at work, E continues to take care of Max and she continues to be an amazing gift for us.
Max went on his first flight back in May. He did really well. We were super nervous, but he was a champ.
We're at the point where we are planning on a second child. We had a talk and agreed we'd like another (most days.... on days where I am especially tired and Max is crabby or sick, I'm not so sure). In typical infertile fashion, this required a lot of planning and mapping. Do you know what I'd really like? I'd like to wait till Max is 2 or 3 and then maybe start trying. Do you want to know the reality? I am 37 years old and before Max we had to do IUI and I had two miscarriages. I actually know about a half dozen women in real life who had to do IVF and got pregnant with their second kid by accident. I know it really does happen. But I feel like there is no effing way we will be that "lucky." [I'm using snarky quotes there because I don't like saying that it's lucky that you didn't have to go through IVF to have a second kid]. Anyhoo. My point is that we don't have the luxury of waiting a few years to have another kid. We aren't being serious about it now. We're not preventing, but I'm not charting or peeing on OPKs or anything. I'm enjoying way too much iced coffee and rose wine for that right now. But soon we'll get serious and if it doesn't happen within a couple of months, we'll go back to the doctor and see what they say. We're uncertain how far we're willing to go for another child. IUI again? Sure. We're not sure about whether we'll try IVF. Most of the time, I would be game for trying IVF. But I don't want to plan that far ahead just yet. Max is a wonderful child and if he is our only child, we will be a happy, fulfilled family of 3.
It's funny to think about how much had changed in one year. When I look back on myself one year ago from now, I remember a woman who cried every day and who ached and struggled with breastfeeding and felt like she was in over her head. I love looking at pictures of Max when he was so tiny and needed me so much. But I'm glad that time has passed too.
I'm really hoping to write a bit more soon. Fingers crossed. Here's a picture of my cutie to thank you all for reading.