Sunday, November 03, 2013

A visit to the OB

Last week was a pretty depressing week at Casa de Megs and Jeeves because of our sadness over Abbott.  We took about a million pictures of him and whenever one of us was out of the apartment, we would incessantly text the other, asking what Abbott was doing.  The good news is that the steroids Abbott is on seem to have perked him up a bit and he's more interested in food again.  And he doesn't seem to be in any pain, which makes me happy.

Friday was our first OB appointment, and it was our second ultrasound.  Unfortunately we had to wait awhile for the ultrasound - there were a bunch of other pregnant ladies there getting scanned as well - and I became more and more agitated and anxious as we waited.  I also noted that they have an ultrasound tech do the scan, not a doctor, so I was worried she wouldn't tell us anything.  I was wrong.  The tech was very nice and pointed out everything to us.  "Look, there's your baby."  "Is there a heartbeat?" I immediately asked.  "Yes, right there." And I finally could really see it.  But the best part - the best, best part, was that she turned on the sound and we got to hear the heartbeat.  She told us the heartbeat was measuring normally (I didn't ask for the actual rate - I feel like I need to chill a little with the information and Googling), and the little bun was measuring 7 weeks 2 days.  I noted that this was a day behind, but my OB assured me that this is perfectly fine and normal.

The rest of the appointment was fine, and the doctor answered my questions and we also talked about the fact that I'm an old, old lady in Obstetrics Land, so they want me to meet with the genetics counselor to talk about what, if any, screening tests we want.  She said I could come back in 2 to 3 weeks, but that if I wanted to do the MaterniT21 test, which I do, then I should come back in 3 weeks since the blood has to be drawn after 10 weeks.  So I decided to go back in 3 weeks (November 22nd) in order to see the doc and meet the genetics counselor, and get my blood drawn for the test.  Now I'm not so sure I can make it 3 weeks without having a total freakout.

I've mentioned before that I have a good friend in real life who has been dealing with infertility for over 7 years now.  She has had the unfairest of shakes, and one of the top specialists in the country told her he thought she might be the unluckiest patient he's ever seen.  Despite good blood test results from her initial infertility workup, she found out during her first IVF that she is a poor responder.  She got pregnant from that IVF, but never got a heartbeat - a missed miscarriage was diagnosed.  She did another cycle that didn't work out, and then did a frozen embryo transfer which resulted in an ectopic pregnancy.  Somewhere in there she found out she has a thrombophilia, so if she were to get pregnant again, she'd need treatment via weekly infusion for that.  Against all odd, she did get pregnant from her third fresh IVF, got a heartbeat, got released to the OB, made it to her 12 week nuchal translucency scan, only to find out that once again, the baby had stopped developing and she was going to miscarry.  Recently she found out she has elevated natural killer cells, which may explain her recurrent pregnancy loss, but the treatment for it is questionable.  It's been a hard, hard road for her, but despite that she has never been calloused or dismissive of other peoples' pain and experiences.  She is my role model in all things.

It seems like any bad thing that could happen has happened to her, and her experience is always on my mind in Jeeves's and my infertility journey.  Knowing how she had to wait for that scan, and how much she had wanted one earlier just to make sure everything was okay - I keep thinking about it.  Which is the say, I don't know if I'm actually going to make it 3 weeks before I see my doctor again.  I'm thinking about e-mailing my doctor to find out what the plan is at the next appointment - will I be at a point where we can do a doppler scan for the heartbeat?  Can I get an ultrasound just for reassurance?

Last week I started to have.... not morning sickness, but a general gross feeling after I would eat.  I felt bloated and uninterested in food.  Lots of foods that I normally like sounded gross to me, and I didn't need to eat much before I no longer wanted anymore food.  And for hours after eating, I would feel too full.  Then yesterday, I noted that most of what I ate sat just fine.  Sure, I was burpy, but that's par for the course these days.  But that really yucky feeling was absent.  I still have plenty of other pregnancy symptoms, but it bothered me that I was okay with food!  I wanted to just enjoy the reprieve, but nooooo.  I'm still nervous about it, even though I've heard it's perfectly normal for symptoms to come and go, and for Pete's sake - I just saw the bun two freakin' days ago.  You'd think I could chill out a little.

Sigh.  I am so jealous of pregnant women who just enjoy being pregnant, and don't have to worry or think about all the things that can and do go wrong.  Ignorance truly can be bliss sometimes.

I'm sorry if any of this sounds like whining.  I know so many of you are still in the trenches and even though I'm happy for me, I feel shitty that you're not here with me.  I'm hoping that you'll all be joining me on this side very soon.

12 comments:

  1. Awww, I'm sorry it's working out like this. I know what you're saying, thats part of the curse of infertility...being all to aware of what can go wrong. :-(

    I'm always shocked when I see on FB people announcing their pregnancies at 5 or 6 weeks. I'm jealous, to be honest, that they have so much freedom and lack of fear!

    I'm sending positive thoughts and best wishes to you in your pregnancy and poor Abbott. :-(

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    1. Thanks, Rach. I'm working on being a little less neurotic.

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  2. I completely understand your feeling and I haven't been pregnant. I have those same fears. We all have been through something, seen something, or can relate to something in infertility-ville that makes us afraid that we are never going to get to the end. I hope that at some point you can relax in your pregnancy and feel true joy. Praying for that moment for you!

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    1. Thanks, Kasey. I'm definitely working on trying to feel more joy.

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  3. Please never censor yourself, okay? It's Tales From the Other Side that keep me going, keep me hopeful, and keep my expectations for pregnancy rational. Thanks to you and other ladies, I will not freak out about freaking out; I will know that feeling freaked out and worried is normal, and that symptoms come and go and that it's not necessarily a bad sign. So from the trenches to the front lines, which is where I think of you being—face to face with what we all want most and ALMOST THERE: keep going. Keep breathing. I'm rooting for you.

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    1. I promise I won't censor myself. :) I will say it is comforting to read the blogs of other IF women who get pregnant and to see I'm not the only one who is frequently freaking out.

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  4. So glad Abbott doesn't seem to be in pain. Hope the meds keep working!

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    1. The meds definitely make him want to eat everything in sight, so that's pretty funny.

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  5. I agree with Anne. We are rooting for you and you should keep writing without censoring. How wonderful that you got to hear the heartbeat! Three more weeks of waiting... I feel for you. Hugs.

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    1. Blogger ate my original response. Sigh. I will try to replicate. I know for me it was usually very comforting to read about women who became pregnant after treatment, and on the rare occasions that it wasn't comforting, I would just take a break from reading for a few days until I was in a better place. So I keep telling myself that people will take care of themselves and it's okay for me to keep telling my story.

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  6. It doesn't sound like whining at all! This is REAL, the story doesn't end with a BFP and the feelings of IF stay with you. Continued prayers for you and baby!

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    1. That is so true - the feelings of IF definitely do not go away just because you get a BFP. You are always a member of this community.

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