In just over twelve hours, we'll have our ultrasound. Normally I would be obsessing and worrying by now, but I've managed to find something else to obsess/worry about - my cat. Abbott is 9 years old. He is FIV positive, which means he has feline immunodeficiency virus. It's like HIV, but only impacts cats. He's had it since he was a kitten - cats get it from deep bite wounds or from their mother. Since Abbott has lived with me and been an indoor cat since he was 7 weeks old, my vet said he got it from his mother, probably during nursing. Most kittens will outgrow it, but Abbott never did. Anyway, despite his FIV and the fact that when he was about 3 he had a urinary blockage that led to hospitalization and a dietary change, he's been a pretty healthy cat.
One weird thing about Abbott is that he never drinks water. I keep a water dish down for him, but he never ever drinks from it. Sometimes he splashes it around for fun, but I've never seen him drink from it. To get some water in him, I usually add some to his wet food. But about a week ago, Jeeves and I noticed he had started drinking from his water dish. He's not drinking a crazy amount of water, but he is drinking from his dish about twice a day now. At first I didn't think too much about it. But I also started to notice that while he is eating, he's not housing his food the way he usually does, and he seems to be eating a little less.
Today I started to feel concerned about his change in behavior, so I consulted Dr. Google. You guys, as bad and dire as Dr. Google can make human illness, it ain't got nothing on Dr. Google for animal symptoms. I am now terrified that Abbott has diabetes or renal failure. If he has diabetes, that would be mean twice daily insulin injections, and I don't even know how we could manage that. And renal failure... well, that would basically mean that he's going to die. I can't deal. Anyway, I called the vet (he needs his annual rabies vaccination anyway) and made an appointment for Saturday morning when Jeeves can go with me. I think I experience more stress taking Abbott to the vet than the cat does from being poked and prodded. Sigh.
In some ways, I guess it's good to have something else to be worried about. When I think about tomorrow's ultrasound, the idea that there could actually be a heartbeat just seems completely impossible, unreal. But when I imagine the doctor telling us there's no heartbeat, well, then it feels like the walls are closing in. Suffice it to say tomorrow cannot come soon enough and either way, will hopefully relieve some of this stress.
Wish me luck.