Friday, October 25, 2013

The celebratory better nutter


I'm not going to be coy - we got a heartbeat.

I was extremely nervous on my subway ride up to the RE, and sitting in the waiting room, but thankfully they didn't keep us waiting too long.  I was relieved to see that the nurse assisting Dr. M was my favorite nurse.  I call her the Good Phlebotomist (I know, my nicknames are amazing).  But aside from being a boss when it comes to drawing blood, she's just super nice and she smiles a lot.  Dr. M asked how I was doing with regards to the pregnancy and I said I was fine, just super nervous, which she said was understandable.  

Dr. M fired up the dildo cam 5000, and at first all Jeeves and I could see was a big gestational sac with nothing in it.  We both thought, "Oh no - blighted ovum."  But about a second later, Dr. M moved the wand and I could see the yolk sac (cue the rising hysteria - "all we'll see is a yolk sac and they'll make me come back in a week like they did last time, and I'll know it's all over, but I'll have to be tortured for another week" thoughts), and a second later, the gray blob that is, hopefully, our future child.  Dr. M didn't torture us - she immediately said she saw the heartbeat.  I had a hard time seeing it because of the angle of the screen, but Jeeves asked them to point out the heartbeat and he could see it.  From a later IM chat, this is what he said:
"I wish we had a video clip of the ultrasound.  The beating heart is really kind of amazing.  So small."
The Good Phlebotomist made lots of positive, happy noises, and both she and Dr. M said that the fetal pole is measuring bang on target.  My estimated due date is June 16th.  And with that, and some congratulations all around, and lots of me saying thank you, I was released to my OB.  

It's still super early.  I know this.  But it does feel more real now.  I follow a lot of blogs and I know there are so many women out there who get the heartbeat and still miscarry.  So many bad things can happen.  Kasey at Stupid Broken Eggs wrote eloquently today about how she sometimes wishes she didn't know all the terrible things that can happen after you get your positive pregnancy test.  There's a lot of comfort in this community, but it can definitely be scary when you read about all the bad stuff that can happen.  We all have to work so very hard to get pregnant, and then if we do, it's like we don't even get to fully enjoy it because we know more than most people that a positive pregnancy test doesn't equal a take-home baby.  Wendy and I were talking on the phone a couple of weeks ago when I had gotten my last beta and she said, "I just wish you got to have that moment where you could feel really, really happy and excited about this.  I understand why you can't right now, but I hope you get to have that."  Me too.  But I'm not there yet.

I called my OB's office, and we're going in for our first appointment next Friday.  I'm really glad we don't have to wait long for another ultrasound.  

After our appointment, we went to Bouchon Bakery for lunch and had the celebratory better nutter pictured above.

Thanks for all the thoughts and comments about Abbott.  He's currently harassing me for his dinner and he's been eating the normal amount of food for the last few meals.  Jeeves thinks he is just being picky about the type of food he wants, which he does do sometimes.  I measured the amount of water he drank yesterday (because I am a neurotic cat owner), and monitored his urine output (again, neurotic cat owner).  The amount of both seems totally normal, but given that it's unusual for him to drink water at all, I'm really glad we're taking him to the vet tomorrow morning.  

I'm thinking of all of you going through your two week waits, or not going through two week waits.  I'm pulling for all of us to get the life we want, whatever form that takes.

10 comments:

  1. Oh god I'm tearing up. STOP IT NOSE PRICKLES. I'm so happy for you. So happy. Your friend said it well—that big joy most people get at their BFP, that so many of us won't.. I want that for all of us. But you know, you're getting there. And you're giving me hope. Cause you know it's all about me ;) Keep the good news coming!! Congrats :)

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    1. I worry all the time that talking about my good news is difficult for women still in the trenches. It makes me feel better to hear you say it gives you hope.

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  2. This is very exciting!! I'm so happy for you! You are sooo right about knowing that a BFP does not guarantee a baby. I've been there, and it's one of the reasons we stopped trying. I couldn't fathom the idea of not getting pregnant, but I couldn't fathom the idea of getting pregnant either. But, despite all that, it's still very exciting! Congratulations, and my fingers and toes are crossed that everything goes well from here on in.

    Also, glad to hear Abbott is doing well. NB (my cat) also went through a phase when he first got sick with crystals where he didn't like the new food, so therefore did not eat. I thought he was dying. Turns out he was just being a diva! Good luck!

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    1. Thanks, Rach! Yeah, it's still scary, but exciting at the same time. Fingers crossed it works out.

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  3. So very glad you got to hear the heart beat! Praying that the little heart keeps beating right into your arms! I'm so afraid knowing all that could go wrong that I will never get to be one hundered percent comfortable and excited in my pregnancy- and yet I still haven't been able to get that far. I hope you get to that moment too! Continuing to pray for you!!

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    1. Thank you so much, Kasey! I know, knowing everything that can go wrong makes it tough to enjoy it, but I'm trying to take it one day at a time.

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  4. Hooray!!!! Yay little baby!

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    1. Thank you! Fingers crossed the bun keeps growing!

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  5. Congratulations, this is exciting news indeed!! That first glimpse of the heartbeat is magical indeed. I totally get the caution though, and the knowledge that this community of wonderful support is also a double-edged sword. It's all so fragile...fragile and magical. May the magic continue to grow for you guys all the way until June next year. You're less than two weeks behind me!

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    1. Thanks, Sadie! I know you know from personal experience that it is very hard to just chill out and enjoy this!

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