The Little Buddhist

So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one - big hitter, the Lama - long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. Do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

-- Carl Spackler

I apologize that my posting last week was so lacking. I was having a series of meltdowns.

I’m in search of an apartment and the hunt has been poor thus far. I’ve seen two apartments – one terrible and one decent, but not really what I want. Really, I’d like to just pick up my current apartment and move it closer to my new job, but that isn’t working out so far.

What I really enjoy, though, is how the realtors look at me like I just said I own a pet llama when I explain that I have a cat and have to bring him with me when I move. Christ, doesn't anyone own a pet anymore? I can't believe what a hassle this has been.

Anyway, I am currently reading a book about Buddhism. I frequently become interested in a religion, read all about it, and then move onto another religion. High school, I read about Islam. First few years of college – Judaism. First year of law school, Christianity. And now, Buddhism. It’s not a question of practicing; I just find the study of religion to be fascinating. Still, as I read about Buddhism, I find myself thinking, “Hey, I do that!” or “That’s a good idea. I should look at things that way.” So I'm working on cultivating a little Buddhist in myself.

Last week when the dentist told me I have to get new veneers, to the tune of $6,500, I had a little bit of a freak out. What would I do? I couldn't afford that! And I still have so much other stuff to do, like work and find an apartment, when would I have the time? And I should get a second opinion! Would the insurance cover that? After about 5 minutes, the little Buddhist Megan said, "Megan, this is silly. Your teeth won't fall out of your head. And if they do, insurance will probably cover new teeth. So don't worry. Take care of it next month."

The little Buddhist has been getting quite a workout lately, though thus far I am pleased with the outcome. I'm still not very good at meditating – my mind keeps straying to things like, "I'd like a donut," or "Does my breathing always sound this loud?"

So, I'm working on all this, but I'm never going to reach nirvana because I could never be a vegetarian. Meat is just too yummy. Guess I'll have to settle for listening to my Nevermind album. Ba dum dum. I'll be here all week, tip your waitress on the way out.