As you may recall, last weekend I spent the day in New York and did some quality research for Kate's par-tay. The evening before I did all this research I received a drunken phone call from Kate. One can detect said drunkeness immediately, as Kate loses all volume control. "Megan!!!" she screamed into the phone. "Mmm, are you out at happy hour or something?" "No! Why?" "You sound like you're having a good night." "Well.... I've had some whiskey. Bart and I have to go to a party!!!! I don't want to!!!"
Kate's had a rough month - having to deal with me every single day, which can range from fine to completely thankless, lots of wedding stress, a stolen car, sick friends, and the usual family and work stuff. And also, Kate has known my mom since she was a little girl. Sometimes I forget that people other than me, my dad and my sister lost my mom, until Wendy starts crying about something I say or Kate gets choked up. I know it makes Kate sad that my mother won't be at her wedding, as originally planned. I know it would make her sad too, Kate.
Anyway, I digress. I called Kate on Saturday to see how she was doing and give her the update on my research. Poor Katie-poo was very hung over. I won't tell you how many she had, but apparently her night went down hill once someone at the party busted out Irish car bombs. Irish car bombs are Kate kryptonite. She is powerless. Actually, she's powerless with any drink that has the word "bomb" in the title. "You can't pass out at your bachelorette party!" I said, unhelpfully. "I don't want tooooooo," she wailed. "No car bombs!" I said. "Ohhhh." This went back and forth until it was agreed that Kate must drink a gallon of water throughout the day of the party and that there would be no sake bombs and no Irish car bombs. Nothing with the word "bomb" in it.
I have heard disappointed rumblings since then from other revelers. "Tough!" I say. This is why I am the fascistic Maid of Honor. Hyper drunk Kate with no volume control? She is welcome, neigh, necessary, at the party. But too many car bombs Kate will have to sit this one out. The Bachelorette Party Dictator has spoken.