Friday, April 22, 2005

Why is this night different?

A personal post to end the week.

I turned a year older this week. Several things happen when I contemplate age. First, I always wonder what Megan 10 years ago would think of Megan now. Would she be pleased? Disappointed? And I inevitably make some resolutions about my life. I'm not so into the New Year's resolutions thing - I'm much more interested in the "another year older" resolutions.

For the first time in many years, I felt that Megan 10 years ago would be pleased with me. She would especially love my new KangaRoos sneakers. But I also came to the realization that the older I get, the less I care about what people think of me. I want to be a good friend and daughter and sister and aunt, but other than how I treat those people, I am less concerned about seeming silly or ridiculous to the outside world.

In one of my favorite movies, Lost in Translation, Bill Murray's character advises the young Scarlett Jo, "The more you know who you are, and what you want, the less you let things upset you. " I'm not quite there yet, but I find myself more firmly in that frame of mind than ever before, and so, I find getting older to be lovely.

As for my resolutions. I visited my sister yesterday and while she picked up our dinner, I kept an eye on my nephew. He was the usual whirling dirvish, despite an earlier tantrum. But it is nearly impossible to take your eyes off him when he's running around outside. I was suddenly filled with such love and sympathy for my sister. Being very pregnant and chasing a three-year-old.... these are not easy things. And I am too judgmental and hard on her. I hold her, and myself, to an impossible standard. So, I will lighten up on her.

And as for me. A wise man told me that this period of transition in my life would go easier if I treated myself with more self-acceptance. He's right. So, I resolve to hate myself less.

Also, I'm going to eat more vegetables and improve my golf game.

Happy Passover, y'all. Don't forget to leave the door open for Elijah.

I'm eating here this weekend in celebration of my birthday. Full report, along with a Deadwood review, on Monday.

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