Monday, May 09, 2005

Friggin' Manhattan Redux

I am so full of rage-ahol right now. I received helpful advice last week from some of you regarding my overnight in Manhattan. I decided, though, to give Priceline another go-around at the $100 mark, for all Manhattan neighborhoods, at all star levels. I again struck out. I wrote a song about it which I will share with you now and which I repeated over and over in my head as I tried more Priceline options.

I haaaattte youuuu soooooo much. You fucker, you fucking suuuuuucccckkkk. Doo de doo doo. I hate yoooouuuu. If you have heard my not-so melodic singing voice before, well, feel free to imagine me serenading the computer. The song is geared towards Priceline and all Manhattan hotels. If my desk weren't so heavy and ladened down with a state-owned computer, I probably would have upended it. But rest assured, while singing my song, I upended the desk in my head.

Long story short, I have booked a room at Habitat Hotel for $100. Twin trundle beds (yessss. I haven't slept in a trundle bed since the 4th grade) and a shared bathroom and I seriously could not do better for that price.

When I drove down to New Orleans a few years ago, J-Dawg and I stayed at a Quality Inn for $45 on a Saturday night in the weird town of Gaffney, South Carolina. The hotel had a restaurant called the Peach Pit, I shit you not. The Pit was replete with a dude playing the keyboard and a mulleted drunkard on the dance floor who would yell "Whooooo!" and shook his ass every time he played a Neil Diamond song. The women of the Pit were all wearing lace outfits like they had just stepped out of Desperately Seeking Susan. It was, in a word, awesome.

Now, while I would never expect a hotel in Manhattan to cost that little, I also would never expect a hotel to provide such entertainment (along with a clean room, a bathroom and fruit loops for breakfast). So can someone please explain to me how the 2 star Quality Hotel Times Square can charge $532 for one night? Hmmm? Because I'm wondering if maybe they resurrected George and John and there's going to be a Beatles reunion in the lobby.

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